Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
