once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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