i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
