so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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