I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
where are my eyebrows?
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