Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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