It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
