I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
