the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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