I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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