$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
