WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
