she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
