My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
