Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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