It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
