she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
