her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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