Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
