Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
