She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
