I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
