did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
