I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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