That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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