Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
