i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
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