My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
