did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wear drunk well.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
