3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
