I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
