HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
