brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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