I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
