This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
