Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
