why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
