Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
