More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
