so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
