Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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