it wasn't lemon gatorade
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
NoShamevember. You game?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
