Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
