I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
