Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
