i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
