I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Of course I have a pirate flag
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
