the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
