your thong is hanging out like whoa
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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