I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
