do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
