I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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