When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
