I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
