Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
